I don't know why I am here or why I am even writhing this...None of any of this really matters in the long run does it?...Its just a constant back and forth struggle with everything...One minute feeling up the next feeling so down you would expect if you looked up to see dirt covering you like a grave...Im glad I have this little place on the net to rant...My own person bitching ground where I do not have to worry what other people think...My page my life my thoughts...I just feel so empty right now, I feel I have lost one of the few things that made this day to day bullshit worth sticking around for...But its not all about me, and ill have to come to terms with that , and stop being so selfish..But part of me just wants to scream or cry, or just go completely numb...Oh well such is life I guess.

I control you ....I am the voice inside your head....I am the lover in your bed ....I am the sex that you provide....I am the hate you try to hide...I control you

I am the needle in your vein (and I control you) I am the high you can't sustain (and I control you) I am the pusher i'm a whore (and I control you) I am the need you have for more (and I control you)...I am the bullet in the gun (and I control you) I am the truth from which you run (and I control you) I am the silencing machine (and I control you) I am the end of all your dreams (and I control you) I take you where you want to go...I give you all you need to know...I drag you down I use you up ...Mr. self destruct
(NIN moment there)

Lit by a flame that burns from within
Raw is the vengeance its journey begins.
From shadow filled resting it's time to awake
Tear down the veil, cause it to break
Change in the wind the time has begun
To gather the pieces and make them as one
Wind from the East I call out this name
Come from the myst by light of this flame.
Draw through the shadows a single straight line
Held true to its purpose and shall for all time

HIDING IN SHADOWS WHERE NOBODY KNOWS
KISSED WITH THE MYST WHERE THE COLD WIND BLOWS
EYES RED AS FIRE, AGLOW IN THE NIGHT
WRATH IS GROWING ASSERTING ITS RIGHT
FROM DEEP INSIDE IT BOILS AND CHURNS
ANGER GROWS..VENGEANCE BURNS
SCREAMS OF ANGER EXPLODE FROM WITHIN
RELEASED FROM THE PLACE WHERE DORMANT THEY'VE BEEN
DESPAIR AND ANGUISH,MISTRUST AND RAW PAIN
RUSH FORTH FROM WITHIN , NO LONGER ENCHAINED

New Skin

Ah, Finaly...A skin that gives this blog the right feel.

Fading away, becoming part of the background,
The shadows, the silent myst.
Unnoticed, desolate, detached.
Removed, unconnected, vacant...
Severed.

Strange how the mind seems to work, or not work for that matter..One minute it can seem fine, then the next its a total train wreck, Nothing makes sense...Thoughts and sounds all intertwine in an endless rambling of nonsense..Fractions of sentences, shards of words, little piece of everything and none of it really makes much sense at all...Its a confusing microcosm.
At times when things do seem to make sense I have to stop and wonder, "Is this right, or is this some sort of a trick, a little game to set me up...break me. I hear a thousand thoughts, millions of words echo around, bouncing off the shattered walls of my mind. It wears me down...breaks me to the point of ruin. The total demise of my sanity is imminent. Destruction lies waiting in the shadows...And I no longer care.

Here I Stand

Here I stand, Early morning as the sun rises over he beauty, kisses the sky and sets it ablaze.
A myst rises off her face, she is beauty and sorrow...tranquility and torrent..and I love her.
She brings me peace, sets me free...yet at the same time I can feel her sorrow somehow.
It rises up for her endless depths and embraces me, touches me..tells me I'm not alone.

hmmmm

Havent written in this thing for awhile. I guess thoughts and words to describe feelings seem to elude me right now...Just tired..so very tried.