Ever been so pissed off it feels like your fucking head is going to EXPLODE
and paint the world around you in blood and grey matter?
Yea?
WELCOME TO MY WORLD!!!!

The Speed Of Pain

When you want it
It goes away too fast
Times you hate it
It always seems to last
But just remember when you think you're free
The crack inside your fucking heart is me !!!!!
I wanna outrace the speed of pain.... for another day!!

Numb

He awoke this afternoon feeling numb.
No pain , no happiness, just numb.
He rolled over , grabbed a smoke off the table on the side of the bed.
Lit it, layed back down ...Inhaled deeply.
As he exhaled and smoke rose into the air,
he remembered the night before.
How close he had come, and once more didn't do it.
He got out of bed and walked over to the desk.
Everything still the same as he had left it.
Nothing changed.
The ashtray sits overflowing .
The empty bottles laying on their side.
The empty rig tossed aside.
The small black box with red lettering reading
WOLF ammunition....Ironic in its own way..
box top still open.
And the rifle...laying over the top of it all.
He can almost smell the stench of anger still in the air.
With undertones of regret and sadness.
Now he sits here writing this , not even knowing why.
Not knowing anything anymore.
Not feeling anything anymore.
Just numb.

WELCOMED HOME

In the dead of night..I hold you tight
such a loving embrace i give to you.
You will be the way..my release from this place
I have wanted this for so long..
Held tightly between my two hands,
I raise you high above my head
and speak words no human is ment to hear.
But they are herd.....by another.
My pain is felt....by another
My darkest desires are known..by another
Black hair falling on naked white flesh.
Soon to be bathed in a river of crimson...
I throw my head back...and scream....
Years of pain released, in a single breath.
Moonlight dancing off the blade of steel
like stars on a calm lake
I have done my time...felt enough pain
and now...I know Ive had enough of it.
My discust for life is felt....by another
Deep in my soul, all is seen...by another
And my feelings are understood..by another.
In the blackness..that matches my soul
I walk silently through this night..
Knowing it will be my last here..
Feeling at peace...for once.
I take the blade...and with arms streched wide
raise it above my head once again.
And speak my final words here on earth.
I throw my head back..and draw the steel across my throat.
I fall to the ground as my life slowly drains away
Finaly at peace...Finally its over...Finaly life ends.
And as I lay there..
A crimson pool, lulls my mortal being
To an endless sleep.
And I am welcomed home

One of those days.

Well its one of thouse days. And for anyone who knows me at all, they know what im talking about. Please donot be offended of i seem a bit "off" as some call it. Because to be honest, im real fucking close right now. Im not even sure what brought it on this time. Maybe it no longer needs a reason to rear it ugly head. To my friends...thanks for sticking by my in times like this and not running for the hills like so many others do...Thank you for understand this fucked up mind...and most of all, Thank you for being just that, My Friend..

New Skin

Ok here it is a new skin

Now it has comments and all that other happy ass horse shit.

Hope ya like it . If not to fucking bad its my damn blog anyways.

Foggy mind
twisted and changing.
Thoughts make no sense.
Random words,
tiny shards of thought.
Misplaced reasoning,
intertwined with hate.

Kind of ironic actually the date...September 11. As it was also the date of the first invasion on the Native Peoples of this country by Europeans. Sounds like karma comming first circle to me.

Anger builds, a storm of rage

Violence locked up, my heart the cage.

Burning deep behind my eyes

Distrust and worry, tears and lies.

Churning pool of unvented hate

Things left undone, now too late.

trapped inside this heart of stone

Are somethings better left alone.

Voices call from long past years

Twisting mind and ringing ears.

I push you in, release the pains

Mix with blood, run through these veins.

Rising up inside my head

Vision blurs to shades of red.

Limbs go numb as minutes pass

Eyes become like empty panes of glass.

Mind goes blank, forget for awhile

Thoughts of vengeance...Dark and Vile.

But dark skies still hang over head

Sometimes Yer Better Left For Dead!!!

To know me is to

know the chill of an icy wind

To see into my eyes is to

look into a dark pool of endless depths

To hear my voice is to

hear the thunder of a summer storm

To look into my soul is to

look into the vastness of the stormy black sea

To feel my touch is to

feel an icicle run down your spine

To try to love me is to

know the emptiness of space...Distant..Cold...Alone

For what I once saw.......Is blinded by mistrust

The voice I once had.....Is choked with pain

The touch I once possessed....Is twisted

The love I once had.......Is tortured..Sick

The soul I have is warped...Dark...Unforgiving

The me I once was is..........

Dead

Forever I'll love you she said

whispered it softly in my ear

Ruby lips caress my neck

then teeth sunk into my flesh.

One last time...runs through my head

Forever I'll be yours she said

Nails rake down my back

as I bite deeply into her shoulder

taste the warm blood as it flows

smell the sweetness of her flesh.

One last time...never again.

Forever I'll be true she said

as she looked deep within my eyes

as if trying to read my soul

then jumping back...

as if she had done just that

Read my soul...

Felt its darkness..

Tasted the hate

A single tear ran down her face

as she realized somehow I knew....

Knew what she had done

and would never forgive her for it.

True? I asked her.....

Fuckin TRUE..I screamedin a rage

as I shoved her into the wall

A rage so deep I wanted to rip out her throat

As she sat there...

tears streaming down her face...

As I stood above her....screaming

hating...unforgiving

Love left my soul....

Forever

It creeps up again

that feeling that is known so well

slowly seeping in like a thick fog,

suffocating and heavy,

His thoughts seem so scattered,

like leaves in a brisk autumn wind

blown around , tossed and twisted.

sights and sounds intertwined

forming a macabre dance within his mind

How things have a way of changing so fast.

flashing through the mind

like lightning across a stormy sky

deadly, yet beautiful at the same time

buried in furor... Lost in delirium

will it ever end? Or will it stretch on endlessly

swirling and churning

like a thousand drops of water in a raging river

slamming against rocks.. Angry... Relentless

or will it change?

like a flaming crimson sunset,

casting shadows over a calm lake

light slowly fading.... Dying

till there is no more,

and all that remains is darkness.. Silence... Tranquility.

His mind wanders..

Thoughts bounce off the shattered reminents

of the walls of his mind.

Why must things be as they are ?

Cold, alone,

What was once the color in his world

has faded to dull shades of grey and black.

Adrift in an endless sea of torment.

The memories, they haunt ,

haunt his mind, never ending.

When will this all end? Ever?

Or is he destined to go on as he does now.

How long before his sanity truly comes to a complete end.

How long till there is nothing left of his former self?

Nothing but an empty shell.

I should probley write something in this damned blog, but to be honest, I cant think of a damn thing to write...im just numb, so I guess that's it for right now. im sure in time something that makes sense will come out of all the rambling that goes on within my head, so until that time...I bid you all farewell.