The Beauty That Is You

I close my eyes and let the beauty that is your soul fill me.

The warmth of your love bright and true,

A candle flame lighting the darkness

within this once cold heart.

Soft is your skin as I hold you tight,

warm is your breath upon my neck.

My soul is set free once again,

flying in endless skies of hope.

Lost in a whirl-wind of pleasure,

swirling and twisting.

Time stands still as I look within the depths of your eyes,

Down to your very soul.

Our lives are but a mere blink in the vastness of time,

But eternity could never replace the time that I have with you.

Chaotic ramblings

It is a confusing and crazy world.
He no longer understands any of it.
He is not even sure he wants to try.
Nothing makes much sense.
It is all chaotic ramblings
meaningless words
empty stares.
They think they know
but they know nothing
Nothing of how things were
How they are now
or what they shall become.
Nothing of the endless screams
broken sentences, fragmented words.
Nothing of his mind at all.
And neither does he anymore

they never shut up

He sits in darkness
trying to ignore some of what he hears.
They never shut up
and when the do it is not He who enjoys the silence.
At those times He is gone,
lost somewhere within himself perhaps.
And the thoughts flood his mind,
because he knows they are out there...
just waiting for their chance.
Walking a thin line at times ,
between reality and total insanity,
or so they say.
But what do they know anyways.
Tired of all the games the thought comes back,
the same thought that is never far away...
smoking cold steel.
But this time it is pushed aside,
thrown back into the corners of his mind to wait.
Beats his head on the desk,
grasping at the hope that perhaps that may help.
But of course it does not...Still screaming...Taunting.
Shadows move , out of the corner of his eye.
He sees them, knows they are there.
No use in turning to look , because they always elude sight.
disappearing into the shadows.....Watching....Waiting.

Swimming in disorder

Visions surface then fade

Back to the rusted corners of a broken mind.

Chaotic screaming

Voices call out

Refusing to be ignored any longer.

Try to forget it all.

Shut it out, Beat it down.

Preserve at least a shard of sanity.

Silent Darkness

He sits in silent darkness

At times it seems to overwhelm him,

smothering and suffocating.

Tears build inside but are trapped there,

unable to be released, to flow free..

and in this build up of unreleased pain,

grows an anger of immeasurable strength.

Anger for all the pain, anger for the weakness.

It multiplies and overtakes the very soul,

turning the heart to cold stone.

He wishes that this roller coaster of emotion would come to a level,

even out or disappear all together.

At times it seems unbearable,

at others, he would not know what to do without it.

His mind is a mess, a massive confusion,

endlessly screaming, never shutting up,

never seeming to make sense.

Oh just for a day of silence...

He would give his soul.

But he knows this is how it is, how it must be,

has been for years...Will always be.

Beyond The Crimson Door

Silently she sleeps beyond the crimson door

as daylight fades on the horizon,

exploding into shades of red and orange.

Painting the sky with its last breath,

As the caustic rays of the sun are set to sleep.

The gentle rise and fall of her chest,

her ivory skin draped in jet black lace,

cold as the frigid winds of a winters morn.

She has lain sleeping

awaiting the silent beauty of the evening.

Violet twilight now beckons her to wake,

calls out her name softly.

A gentle sigh escapes her lips

as her grey eyes slowly open.

Eyes the color of summer storm clouds

are now awakened to the world.

A new night now belongs to her.

Violet light bathes her icy flesh

awakens her senses , renews her once more

As she walks out into the night , into her world

beyond the crimson door.

Shattered

Days have no meaning.
Time seems to stand still,
and all falls apart.
Shatters all around, like an old windowpane,
struck by a branch in a sudden violent storm.
Leaving pieces of what it once was
lying on the floor, jagged and sharp.
Setting the warmth of life free
and welcoming in the bitter cold.
Blowing out candles of hope
as it makes its way into your heart
forming ice crystals of loss and despair.

Words wont fit the feeling.

There are no words to describe this life.

How does one describe something that is not there?

How does one live, when already dead?

Dark the shadows are, swirling through his mind.
Overtaking, consuming every thought.
Drowning and choking, gasping for air.
Struggling through the murky glimpses
flashing through his mind.
A child's bicycle overturned on a cracked sidewalk.
Shadowed corners of a dimly lit room.
Purple twilight filled with fireflies.
Scraped and bruised skin, broken bones.
Voices screaming, echoing in the mind.
That mans hands, boards, chains and electric cords.
A stolen kiss in the back of a chevelle.
Flashes of long past times.
Still clear enough to slice through his heart.
Scar tissue forms on the surface,
but the wounds never heal.

Untitled

In darkness she sleeps, so silent and alone.
I watch each rise and fall of her chest,
Feel each beat of her gentle heart.
Yet though she sleeps,tears of pain flow from her eyes.
A withered soul,
Who mourns for days of sunshine and smiles.
She is my dark beauty, my sleeping sorrow.
Her pain is a vice around my dying heart,
That weeps for her.

Im not that strong ,
at times I feel as if im a candle flame
in the swiftly growing wind of a storm,
fighting against all odds to stay lit,
that is not strength.
We all make choices,
we all have the choices to make,
and we make them,
one is never forced to love ,
I was never forced to live,
you were never forced to care.
We all makes choices to do the things we do in this life,
it just seems that at times,
somehow along the way,
things get bent and warped in shape,
never quite seem to go in the directions we intended them too.
And so we go on living,
trying to make sense of it all,
wade thru the dark waters, fight against the winds ,
and fight to get a grasp on something that is steady and calm.
But sometimes when we think that we have found that steady thing to grasp,
it too snaps like a rotted branch of a tree,
and we are once again falling,
and searching for something else to grab hold of.

Dark and Putrid, Cold and Unforgiving.
Up from the depths it rises.
Piercing flesh and Devouring the mind.
Rush followed by Nothingness, Emptiness.
World retreats, Sounds intertwine.
Winding down, slowly sinking into the black.

Cold steel pressed against hot flesh.

That distinct smell of gun oil fills the air around his head.

Alone in the darkness he sits, tired, so very tired.

So many nights have passed, so many days.

Always the same, nothing ever changes.

It wasn't always like this, it couldn't have been.

But those days are gone, lost like so much more.

Best forgotten and stored away, deep inside.

Can not even remember when it all started.

How it started or even why.

He just knows that all that once was, has slipped away.

Is lost to the never ending ticking of time.

Breathing down his neck like a rabid beast.

A small click, a bright flash, and its over.

No more ticking of lost time, no more anything.

Just cold silence , and the lingering scent of gunpowder.

Flashes

Trapped In Time

There is no real me:
only an entity,
something illusory.
And though I can hide my cold gaze,
and you can shake my hand
and feel flesh gripping yours
and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable...
I simply am not there.

Forgotten

What crawls through the mind
like a shadow falling,
slowly devouring the light,
growing darker ?
Whispers..Echoes within,
bouncing and scraping the walls,
tearing at it's surface,
like the fangs of a hungry beast.
Then sinking deeply inside,
eating it away, piece by piece,
'til all is lost...Forgotten.

The journey of life is filled with bits and pieces of the people we meet along the way. Sometimes the pieces are treasured for all eternity, held close to the heart and kept safe, protected with force known as love. Other times the pieces turn out to be shifting sands in a never ending hour-glass...falling, changing, becoming something completely different. Choices are made, and loves are lost, forever blown to the wind. Hopes are shattered, destroyed with the realization that what they were thought to be, was never true, had always been an illusion cloaked within a mist. The realization of such falsehoods leaves raw wounds that never completely heal, rough edges that are forever on the verge of bleeding .

Every day is exactly the same

I believe I can see the future
As I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
But then again
That might have been a dream
I think I used to have a voice
Now i never make a sound
I just do what I've been told
I really don't want them to come around again

Oh, no


Everyday is exactly the same
Everyday is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Everyday is exactly the same

I can feel thier eyes are watching
In case I loose myself again
Sometimes I think I'm happy here
Sometimes, yet I still pretend
I can't remember how this got started
But I can tell you exactly how it will end


I'm writing on a little piece of paper
I'm hoping someday you might find
I'll hide it behind something
They won't look behind
I am still inside here
A little bit comes bleeding through
I wish this could have been any other way
But I just don't know- I don't know what else I can do!

(NIN-Every Day Is Exactly The Same)

Open it up , release the pain,
Small crimson river flowing
Till it reaches finger tips.

Dripping...to its end,
Bitter tears mingle with blood.
In the puddle of life being created on the floor.

Dear Life,
Once again you have bitten me in the ass.
As winter fades and spring arrives, bringing things
back to life from their long winters sleep, I sit
here numb. You know why, I do not need to explain it to you.
You know it all, the struggle...The pain..The exhaustion.
Why do I even write this, I do not know. But I am none the less.
I am writing to to bitch, to tell you how damned angry I am.
I write to wall back the emotions which are dying to
break free and cause a flood that I could not stop.
Over and over it repeats in my mind, words I do not care to hear.
A fight I am tired of fighting..I am a broken blade in the battle of life.
And I am writing this to tell you I have had enough...Leave me alone.
Bret

Death as the Sunset

Out of the myst of the mind
arises dark thoughts.
Days of past and present,
none of it matters anymore.
Reality sinks in slowly
death within living flesh.
Rotting, eating it way
devouring life minute by minute,
till it is no more.
Till light starts to fade
as violet and crimson sunsets.
Beauty at the end,
the dying light of what once was.

Grave Reality

Things have left that level edge
and once more have flipped upside down
overshadowing all that is good..
leaving behind a stone cold grave reality.
Filled with rotting memories, and decayed hope.
I pull myself out of this hole,
yet the earth of this life once more seems muddy,
and I slip back to the bottom to slowly rot.
Cold is the ground below, as the heart within.
The smell of dark damp earth fills my lungs,
mind swarms with thought,
like maggots ingesting putrid flesh.
I close my eyes and let it take me.
Give in to its dark embrace..and wait.

Silent thoughts cut through the mind
like a sword of lightning.
Giving light to shadow filled corners.
Blue bathed clarity.
Somehow still a filtered example
of true reality.
Short glimpses ,obscured thought.
Unfocused existence in an overcast mind.

Sinking...Drowning in mud.
Deeper, Slowley covering my head.
Motionless, Bound
Powerless, Broken.

You said you read me like a book, but the pages are all torn and frayed.

Free

Shed not a single tear when i am gone
I will be free....
All the torture of living
will be released from me...
Now I am Free
No more days of torture
and nights of pain
Death will bring me release at last
With life i had nothing to gain....
Now I am Free
There are a few I'll miss
but I shed not a single tear
I embrace death with my whole being
not a hint of fear....
Now I am Free
And as the veil of death covers my eyes
and life is released in a river of crimson blood
I leave this world ...with a laugh
Because I am Finaly Free

Death of a Heart

What is it that causes a heart to die?
Is it pains from long past years,
Creaping up to haunt a troubled mind?
Memories of those before who have taken
slashes at the heart with a knife of deceit?
Leaving open wounds to bleed for a lifetime,
Unable to heal...agonized,tormented.
Bruised and battered trust...lost forever,
Drowning in a river is mistrust.

Stained with Memory

The walls of this mind are stained with memory.
Screams of anger, the tears of a child,
lonely nights, and fear filled days.
The echoes of the past come back to haunt,
relentless, unforgiving..A constant reminder
of shadow cast corners, and darkened rooms.
The bitter taste of tears ,
as they flow down a childs cheek.
as a face twisted with anger hangs overhead.
As the child grows these memories still remain
an unforgettable torment that breeds anger
feeds distrust, opens old wounds.
****************************************************
I found this site random acts of journaling on Jess's blog
the poetry prompt was..Stained with Memory