Grave Reality

Things have left that level edge
and once more have flipped upside down
overshadowing all that is good..
leaving behind a stone cold grave reality.
Filled with rotting memories, and decayed hope.
I pull myself out of this hole,
yet the earth of this life once more seems muddy,
and I slip back to the bottom to slowly rot.
Cold is the ground below, as the heart within.
The smell of dark damp earth fills my lungs,
mind swarms with thought,
like maggots ingesting putrid flesh.
I close my eyes and let it take me.
Give in to its dark embrace..and wait.

Silent thoughts cut through the mind
like a sword of lightning.
Giving light to shadow filled corners.
Blue bathed clarity.
Somehow still a filtered example
of true reality.
Short glimpses ,obscured thought.
Unfocused existence in an overcast mind.

Sinking...Drowning in mud.
Deeper, Slowley covering my head.
Motionless, Bound
Powerless, Broken.

You said you read me like a book, but the pages are all torn and frayed.

Free

Shed not a single tear when i am gone
I will be free....
All the torture of living
will be released from me...
Now I am Free
No more days of torture
and nights of pain
Death will bring me release at last
With life i had nothing to gain....
Now I am Free
There are a few I'll miss
but I shed not a single tear
I embrace death with my whole being
not a hint of fear....
Now I am Free
And as the veil of death covers my eyes
and life is released in a river of crimson blood
I leave this world ...with a laugh
Because I am Finaly Free

Death of a Heart

What is it that causes a heart to die?
Is it pains from long past years,
Creaping up to haunt a troubled mind?
Memories of those before who have taken
slashes at the heart with a knife of deceit?
Leaving open wounds to bleed for a lifetime,
Unable to heal...agonized,tormented.
Bruised and battered trust...lost forever,
Drowning in a river is mistrust.

Stained with Memory

The walls of this mind are stained with memory.
Screams of anger, the tears of a child,
lonely nights, and fear filled days.
The echoes of the past come back to haunt,
relentless, unforgiving..A constant reminder
of shadow cast corners, and darkened rooms.
The bitter taste of tears ,
as they flow down a childs cheek.
as a face twisted with anger hangs overhead.
As the child grows these memories still remain
an unforgettable torment that breeds anger
feeds distrust, opens old wounds.
****************************************************
I found this site random acts of journaling on Jess's blog
the poetry prompt was..Stained with Memory

Thanks to my Sis and Bro for bringing this little bit of info to my attention. I think everyone needs to see it ...

Sunset on Sanity

Voices... Like an endless wind
blowing through the mind.
Tearing apart what was once whole,
leaving behind wreckage.
Disorganized thought... Bits and pieces
Nothing more...Broken, disarranged.
Like a thousand shards of glass
from shattered windows.


Cloaked in shadows,
moving like a myst.
Lost between worlds.
What is reality, what is dream.
Is any of this more then delusion
self-deception..Untruth?
What causes such malfunction
misfire...Disorder?

Bound together.
Twisted and warped.
A train wreck within the mind.
Indifference ...Passion... Antipathy
Hatred...Rage...Furor.
Impossible to make sense of it anymore.
Fading...The endless ticking of time.
Minute by minute..Hour by hour.

As the sun sets on his sanity.

Tired, so very tired.

Struggle to remain awake and function.

Drifting in and out of reality.

But is it really reality that fades? , or is it infact the illusion?

The thin line between the two grows more narrow.

Spinning out of control in a steady downward spiral.

Useless to prevent it, no control over anything anymore.

Why even attempt control, it bears no accomplishment.

It is all just the same in the end.

Cold.... Angry.... Tired.

Swimming in disorder
Visions surface then fade
Back to the rusted corners of a broken mind.
Chaotic screaming
Voices call out
Refusing to be ignored any longer.
Try to forget it all.
Shut it out, Beat it down.
Preserve at least a shard of sanity.

Shadows...Voices ..Things of long past
Haunting a Wrecked Mind.
Things left unsaid and undone..
To late now... Frozen.
In the past..Locked away.
Better that way.
Left behind..Buried beneath,
Lost as the Years have been Lost.
Rusted ..Crumbled ..Rotten.
Washed away in a River of Tears.
Drowning in Agony..Gasping for Air.
Bleeding from a Gash left in the Heart.
Choking on Hatred..Distrust...Betrayal.

Have you ever felt the need to spill another's blood?
A feeling so strong that it eats away at you and demands your attention?
Grating on your nerves making them raw.
Tying your guts in knots that grow tighter and tighter.
Echoing and bouncing off the walls of your mind.
All you can do is sit and think about it, knowing you can do nothing....
Not yet anyways.
All in due time...They say every dog has his day.
Some dogs will find that their day has come sooner than expected.
When thy find themselves lying on the cold ground..
their life's blood slowly draining away.
Body growing cold and numb.
Light slowly fading from their eyes.
A faint ringing in their ears....
Then nothing.
Death.

I havent written much on here latley, Hell I have not done much of anything latley but sleep and fell like death warmed over. Maybe things will be different soon, better in some way...then again maybe not, Hell who knows. I guess all one can do is wait and see. One thing is sure, There is a change in the air.

He sits in darkness
trying to ignore some of what he hears.
They never shut up
and when the do it is not He who enjoys the silence.
At those times He is gone,
lost somewhere within himself perhaps.
And the thoughts flood his mind,
because he knows they are out there...
just waiting for their chance.
Walking a thin line at times ,
between reality and total insanity,
or so they say.
But what do they know anyways.
Tired of all the games the thought comes back,
the same thought that is never far away...
smoking cold steel.
But this time it is pushed aside,
thrown back into the corners of his mind to wait.
Beats his head on the desk,
grasping at the hope that perhaps that may help.
But of course it does not...Still screaming...Taunting.
Shadows move , out of the corner of his eye.
He sees them, knows they are there.
No use in turning to look , because they always elude sight.
disappearing into the shadows.....Watching....Waiting.

Forever I'll love you she said
whispered it softly in my ear...
ruby lips caress my neck
then teeth sunk in my flesh...
One last time...runs through my head
Forever I'll be yours she said
Nails rake down my back...
as I bite deeply into her shoulder
taste the warm blood as it flows
smell the sweetness of her flesh
One last time...never again
Forever I'll be true she said
as she looked deep within my eyes
as if trying to read my soul
then jumping back...as if she had done just that
read my soul...felt its darkness..tasted the hate
A single tear ran down her face...as she realized
somehow I knew....knew what she had done
and would never forgive her for it.
True? I asked her.....Fuckin TRUE..I screamed
in a rage....as I shoved her into the wall
A rage so deep I wanted to rip out her throat
As she sat there...tears streaming down her face...
As I stood above her....screaming...hating...unforgiving
Love left my soul....Forever

Ever been so pissed off it feels like your fucking head is going to EXPLODE
and paint the world around you in blood and grey matter?
Yea?
WELCOME TO MY WORLD!!!!

The Speed Of Pain

When you want it
It goes away too fast
Times you hate it
It always seems to last
But just remember when you think you're free
The crack inside your fucking heart is me !!!!!
I wanna outrace the speed of pain.... for another day!!

Numb

He awoke this afternoon feeling numb.
No pain , no happiness, just numb.
He rolled over , grabbed a smoke off the table on the side of the bed.
Lit it, layed back down ...Inhaled deeply.
As he exhaled and smoke rose into the air,
he remembered the night before.
How close he had come, and once more didn't do it.
He got out of bed and walked over to the desk.
Everything still the same as he had left it.
Nothing changed.
The ashtray sits overflowing .
The empty bottles laying on their side.
The empty rig tossed aside.
The small black box with red lettering reading
WOLF ammunition....Ironic in its own way..
box top still open.
And the rifle...laying over the top of it all.
He can almost smell the stench of anger still in the air.
With undertones of regret and sadness.
Now he sits here writing this , not even knowing why.
Not knowing anything anymore.
Not feeling anything anymore.
Just numb.

WELCOMED HOME

In the dead of night..I hold you tight
such a loving embrace i give to you.
You will be the way..my release from this place
I have wanted this for so long..
Held tightly between my two hands,
I raise you high above my head
and speak words no human is ment to hear.
But they are herd.....by another.
My pain is felt....by another
My darkest desires are known..by another
Black hair falling on naked white flesh.
Soon to be bathed in a river of crimson...
I throw my head back...and scream....
Years of pain released, in a single breath.
Moonlight dancing off the blade of steel
like stars on a calm lake
I have done my time...felt enough pain
and now...I know Ive had enough of it.
My discust for life is felt....by another
Deep in my soul, all is seen...by another
And my feelings are understood..by another.
In the blackness..that matches my soul
I walk silently through this night..
Knowing it will be my last here..
Feeling at peace...for once.
I take the blade...and with arms streched wide
raise it above my head once again.
And speak my final words here on earth.
I throw my head back..and draw the steel across my throat.
I fall to the ground as my life slowly drains away
Finaly at peace...Finally its over...Finaly life ends.
And as I lay there..
A crimson pool, lulls my mortal being
To an endless sleep.
And I am welcomed home